Be not afraid, only believe. -Mark 5:36

Sarah started round three of chemo on Tuesday.  I was nervous she would be depressed when we came back after a nice long break at home.  But she fell right back into her hospital rhythm.  We wandered the halls, said hi to Oliver, snuck up on nurses, played peek a boo and cuddled.  She was totally fine, and I was just in awe of her and her happy outlook.

Wednesday, November 29th, we woke up about 8:30.  She asked for her bottle.  She seemed tired and just drained of energy, but that's pretty normal with all her little body is going through.  Doctors rounded and checked on her, all seemed well.  

We fell asleep again.  I woke up a little after ten and had a yucky feeling.  I looked at Sarah...Her eyes were open but she was out of it.  I knew something was wrong.  I frantically pushed the nurse button and Kathy came right in.  As soon as Kathy got to the bedside Sarah started seizing.  It was slight at first, she was just out of it and her hands were twitching, but then it got pretty intense and I thought she was dying.  

I texted Nathan, "Seizing. Something's wrong."  Then I texted Brett, "Come here now."  

When Nathan and Brett were both there they gave her a blessing. Everything seemed okay after that...not that Sarah was suddenly better or the seizure stopped, but I felt peace.  The seizure lasted about an hour.  When it was finally under control and Sarah was stable she was moved to the pediatric intensive care unit.  

The medicines she needed to get the seizure under control made her airway floppy and she wasn't breathing. The room was filled with doctors frantically working to save you while Nathan and I stood in the corner of the room praying our hearts out.  The respiratory therapist, Dave, was amazing and got everything under control. 

                                                

Once she was intubated she was taken down for a CT scan.  Nothing crazy stood out, but we needed more answers from an MRI.  I wasn't too nervous.  I really thought we had overstimulated her little body with chemo so soon after a major infection.

She had her MRI the next morning. I really wasn't expecting to hear what they said.....  "Residual tumor...chemo isn't working....tumor growing...."

The doctor pulled me to the side and said, "This is something I have to ask....do you still want to move forward with treatment?"  Of course we did.  If there was still a treatment available we were ready to do it.  "Whatever it takes", Nathan said.  

Sarah will be having surgery in the morning to remove as much of the tumor as possible.  A sample of the tumor will then be sent off for studies to see if there is another kind of chemo that will treat it.  She is in the best hands possible.  She was a wonderful team taking care of her, and we know Heavenly Father is involved every step of the way.

We are so grateful she started seizing while she was at the hospital instead of at home.  We are so grateful she seized when she did and we found the tumor before she had to go through any more chemo that was causing her so much pain, but not fixing the cancer.  We are so grateful for her doctors and nurses and techs, who are truly angels and have become dear friends.  

I am so afraid, but I am trying my hardest to let go of my fear and remember I put my trust in Heavenly Father.  I am afraid, but my faith is stronger than my fear.